It was a wawu year; as in, first it started off as a roller coaster and ended as such, and as usual Nigerians defied everything that should, and should not, make sense. Despite the dollar Bori dance, the Mystery of the Disappearing Naira, the Boom of the Point of Sale (POS) mobile Automated Teller Machines (ATM), in this case, humans, inflation at an all-time high – this could be seen in the shrinking of services, produce and products; even fuel went up by over N400 a litre and there were still short queues seen but Nigerians still balled hard. In fact, Flavour released a single just in time for the festive season to massage and stroke the egos (and pockets) of men so that they don’t forget that they are ‘Odogwus and make the mistake and not spend. After all, it’s the season to be jolly. With lyrics like the one Flavour harmoniously weaved, a tight economy was hardly the point.
Agba baller
How much is money? (it is nothing)
Balling balling
Premium or nothing
Undefeated
Undisputed
Unopposed
Luxury or nothing
Money is talking
Money is talking
Blessings on blessings
As a prelude to what I unlearned in 2023, I did not unlearn being a Nigerian; who we are is just too baffling.
1. That everyone must be accommodated on my table
I had to unlearn that nonsense. I realised I could be so accommodating of bad people’s behaviour towards me, and I would make room because I was ‘understanding’. The thing though with human nature is that once it sees what it perceives as a weakness, it would push through that door and look for more ways to test your resolve. Why did I unlearn it? I became passive aggressive, and I don’t like passive aggressive people. Another why? They dig their heels in, don’t address the situation, proceed to punish you and then sit back and watch you squirm. That is what I was turned into. I missed the feisty, yelling CB that tackled the issue immediately, not caring whose ox was gored but was clear on the boundaries that needed to be set. So, I am going back to her. She had far fewer worries and it gave the opportunity for a resolution to be had. This is my reason. However, the major lesson here is that you must protect your mind, heart and sanity at all times. If accommodating shit and nonsense works for you, by all means buy a piece of property there, but the minute it begins to alter your personality to deal with their shit, splatter them with it. 2024 is a year of zero tolerance for all types of shit!
2. That it is bad manners to toot your own horn
I still believe it is, though. However, I unlearnt that it must be in all situations. See, no one is going to ride the wave that is yours in the moment better than you, so why be a shrinking violet?
Toot that horn. You did good? Let people know. Adjust the spotlight so they can see properly.
You hit your goal and milestone? Position yourself for the next big thing by that achievement being visible.
Want more opportunities? Show the world the stuff you are made of. Nobody can read your mind or know what your next move is in terms of career, life, and relationship progression. Say something. Do something. I hear you: “Wouldn’t that be showing off? Being prideful?” The trick is balancing the act of show and tell. It is also not everything that you go about telling and showing off. You must have some privacy. The point is to treat yourself as a product.
Every company and its product has a marketing and public relations budget to ensure that it gets a mindshare. Keep that in mind the next time you are tempted or advised to say nothing.
Please get ready for the onslaught of the naysayers and the joy stealers. I am sure you know this!
3. That I am a handful
I have standards, ideals, opinions, doubts, aspirations, desires, boundaries, a sense of self-worth, dignity, integrity, and I could go on. Okay, we all do have some or all of these things in varying degrees. When in contact relationally with human beings and I introduce my standards, I am accused of being ‘too much.” Why am I then expected to become less to accommodate clearly less instead of them becoming more if they want to hang around? Opposites attract, while like poles repel doesn’t make any sense here. Anyway,
4. Societal norms of what beauty looks like
It can be an easy trap to fall into because either everyone is doing something about it or someone is saying something about it. I was trying on a dress in a clothing store when the shop attendant with a disapproving look looked at my stomach and said, “You will have to wear a girdle.” I snapped at her and said it is people like her that increase the unnecessary complex that women have of themselves that has given rise to the irregularly and unsightly women we have all over the place – the ant phenomenon I call it (chuckles). I gave her a lecture as to how she will get to where I am either by virtue of childbearing or hormonal fluctuation as her body goes on a menopausal journey for ten years; this is not to forget the monthly fluctuation as I looked at her 20-inch waistline. I was once like that, you know, I said. I omitted to add that eating rice, with plantain and stew at midnight will be a huge culprit to her big stomach. There was no need; she would find out in due course as life takes her on its journey. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on women to look perfect; I am scratching my head as to who is demanding this perfection. For now, till I muster the discipline to work on my abs, my big belly will be seen all over the place.
Please, maybe I should wear more A-line outfits and peplums. No, I want to wear ‘gum body.’ Everyone who can’t bear to see should cover their eyes! You’re beautiful, but embrace the ‘ugliness too.’ The final destination of the body is the grave and food for termites!
5. This one is bad – that I am a super woman and can do all things by myself
Kai! This one is hard and is still a work in progress. I have leaned on myself for many years that it is almost a joke when someone wants to help, and the feeling of unease comes over me. Next the person goes ahead to execute help in a manner I don’t recognise (conflict arises, regret seeps out as I say to myself, ‘who sent you?’ The help is not rendered within the stipulated time or in the manner that was requested, and the list goes on. In the long run, it turned out to be a situation of wanting to be in control all the time every time. I am still asking why that is a challenge for people to accept. However, I understand the part that no man is an island, that we need one another. God uses people to do his work, but if I keep up with the behavior, it comes off as pride. In a sense I see why it will be perceived as pride, even though my point of view is survival and controlling the situation to get what I want and, most importantly, not to be beholden to anyone. At all. People just have the weirdest knack for coming to shove it down your throat how they have helped you. In 2024, we will ask and be a nuisance. Shebi you said we are proud, we don humble; help!
Most times we reflect on the lessons learnt in the preceding year which is good, but what we don’t take stock of is what were influenced to change and, hopefully, for the better. If you haven’t taken stock of the things you unlearnt, I hope you are brave enough to see that you are doing well and should take accountability for the changes and growth you’ve occasioned.
CAVAET: While I seriously advocate being your true self even if that means being true to your badness, this message is not for you! It is for sane people who are doing decent things in their lives, please.
