“The song is ended but the melody lingers on.”
— Irving Berlin
When it comes to grieving there is really no appropriate or inappropriate way to go about it. You feel lost, not just the sense of it, you are left speechless, often like a void filled with silent screams. Everything shuts down, a sudden ringing in your ears, knots in your stomach and that overwhelming feeling of how can this be?. Yet through the gnawing pain that seeks to shut everything down or in most cases, slow it down…God made man strangely resilient with a knack for self preservation, advancing forward one wail and foot at a time. As someone who has experienced loss too many times in my young life to count, I cannot truly explain how difficult getting up the next day was, yet up I was; doing my best to honour the memories left behind. Here is the thing people must understand: Grieving is a deeply personal and complex process that differs from person to person, it is not communal, it can or may feel like it, if the loss is shared, yet experiences will vary just like memories. It encompasses a range of emotions, from shock to anger and confusion to profound sadness and oftentimes extreme numbness. Understanding the art of grieving can/may help individuals navigate their own experiences as well as support others during times of loss.
If you are new to reading any article I have written…welcome to that article section that gives you alternative insights and perspectives into daily societal cases and issues, while teaching you how to either appreciate scenarios or possibly prevent them. To the old, having you here is definitely always a plus. So let us dive right into it shall we? Let us dive into the depths as we explore various ways to grieve, the importance of the grieving process, and the power of silence in supporting those who are grieving-THE ART OF GRIEVING. This will definitely be served hot or cold, let your mind decide! Remember deep breaths and let’s jump shall we?
Grieving Ways
“When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.”
— Anonymous
Here is the thing, loss and grieving will not always mean death in its totality. Loss can come from a state of mind, losing one’s self, losing something of great value or importance to you as a person, it could even be the loss of money or a pet. People have sentimental value for things or people they hold dear to them, even friendships. I remember having to bite down and truly walk away from a friendship that lasted for over twenty six years when I realised I was the only one in the friendship the whole time. It felt like my heart had been physically ripped out of my body while my mind shattered into tiny irreplaceable pieces. Everything felt strange, every conversation no longer held any true meaning and I strangely became afraid of people and letting anyone in. The grieving process left me in bed for days unable to do anything but cry and turn the pillow as each side soaked my uncontrollable tears and dried each time. It may seem ridiculous to most that mourning or grieving a friendship would have such an immense toll on a person, yet it did because like earlier mentioned, grieving or mourning is such a personal experience that no one has the right to invalidate it.
So let us look at some common or uncommon ways man might grieve the loss of a person, item or pet (remember we do not judge, we learn and understand).
1. Emotional Release: I for one love a good cry! Not everyone has the emotional capacity to express how they may be feeling but once you get revved like an engine, its free flow all the way towards finding your own healing. Remember when I said grieving is personal? Some may find comfort in crying, expressing anger, or sharing feelings with friends and family (most share after the fact not during). Emotional release can often provide relief and validation of feelings.
2. Creative Outlets: Art for years has been the therapy people need to channel whatever they may be feeling, even if it looks gory or graphic. Art, music, and writing have been known to be powerful tools of expression.By channelling grief into creative endeavours, this can help you or your loved one process emotions while honouring the memory of the lost loved one (works well with children or extremely creative or special needs adults).
3.Rituals and Memorials: As a Nigerian most activities here are mostly relegated to anniversaries, while other cultures like India or parts of Asia have altars or shrines set up in their homes. This helps them keep the person’s memory alive and still somewhat part of the family or person’s routine. Participating in rituals, such as funerals, memorial services, or personal ceremonies, one can seek or find comfort and a sense of closure. These acts serve to commemorate the deceased and bring a community together in support and celebration.
4. Get Active: Some may cope by engaging in physical activities like walking, running, yoga or sex (yes apparently loss makes people extra needy and in heat, I guess to each his or her own). Exercise or otherwise can help release endorphins, improve mood (wink wink), and allow for moments of reflection.
5. Chat and Share: Speaking about the deceased or loss often helps keep their memory alive (this is not to say that those who do not share or chat are wrong). Sharing precious moments and memories filled with chaos and laughter; with friends and family can lead to greater connections and healing.
6.Get Help: Finding a grief counsellor or therapist, although not common in some cultures, especially the African culture, is still beneficial for those who find it challenging to process their emotions with family or friends. By seeking professional support, one can gain valuable tools and strategies to navigate grief through an emotional disconnect often found in strangers
Coping Differently
“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.”
— Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
As we all experience grief differently it has become essential to recognize that grief is or can be based on factors such as personality, cultural background, and the nature of the loss. While some may prefer to be surrounded by loved ones, others might seek solitude. The differences in coping styles often reinforce the importance of respecting individual grieving processes.
For instance, someone who expresses grief through silence may need space and time to reflect, while another person might seek out social support (some even drown theirs in a bottle or two). Unfortunately because people are quick to judge and misunderstand the vast differences; this can lead to unintended frustration or feelings of isolation for the grieving individual(s). Let it be clear that patience and understanding are very crucial during this trying moments.
The Importance of Grieving
“Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.”
—Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight
People need to start understanding that grieving is not just a reflection of loss; it is an integral part of emotional healing. This process allows individuals to confront their feelings and re-establish their sense of self in a world shattered by loss (so stop telling people to move past it, some things are hard to simply move past!). Importantly, grieving can lead to:
1. Healing: By acknowledging your pain, this is the first step towards your healing. Unprocessed grief (especially when there is no act towards expression) can result in long-term mental health issues such as depression and anxiety which in its own time can have negative physical results.
2.Empathy: By personally experiencing grief, there is a likelihood of an increase in being emphatic toward others, developing deeper connections and being more understanding in relationships.
3. Growth: It is amazing how the loss of someone or something can immediately transform your life or your outlook on life. Grieving has often led people to greatly appreciate life and have or form stronger priorities as well as bonds.
The Power of Silence
“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.”
— J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Growing up and as someone who speaks for a living (be it verbal or written), I learnt quickly that sometimes, the most powerful supportone can truly offer is silence. In moments of shattering grief, the presence of a supportive friend or loved one can be more comforting than fumbling attempts to provide advice or consolation (because truly what can you really say in that moment that will truly provide comfort). Silently sharing space, stroking their back, holding their hand, a tight hug, as ridiculous as it sounds silently handing them something they love to eat or drink, or simply sitting in silence or sniffles will convey more understanding and empathy without the pressure to articulate complex feelings.
Understanding the need for silence will create the opportunity for the grieving person to express themselves in their own time, enabling an environment of safety and acceptance.
Negative Impacts on Mental Health
“We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering.”
—Helen Keller, We Bereaved
Unresolved grief can lead to significant negative outcomes for one’s mental health as well as relationship with others either in the present or future . Prolonged disengagement from the grieving process may/ can result in:
Positive Effects on Life After Grief
“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”
—J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
It is crazy to think that there may be positive effects of grief, but isn’t that the beauty of life? For every dark there is light. While grief can be a turbulent unwanted journey, it also lays the groundwork for positive experiences as well as lessons post-loss. Individuals often emerge with:
Conclusion
“The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.”
— James Patterson, Angel
Ahh the conclusion without necessarily being the conclusion see as we lie and learn new things and experiences each day. The art of grieving can be referred to as Picasso’s ever changing art, very complex and multifaceted, filled with extreme yet life changing emotional highs and lows. By acknowledging the unique ways individuals, as well as communities/ cultures cope with loss, we can begin to foster compassion and understanding for each other. More importantly, understanding that there is a subtle power with silence and words through the grieving process. So as we do our very best to navigate life’s inevitable losses, I hope we can honour as well as respect our grief and, in doing so, emerge more resilient and connected to those we love.So till next time…BYE!
