“He taught me life’s lessons
Of right from wrong
And instilled in me values
That I might be strong”.
© Rebecca D. Cook – Memories of My Dad (An extract)
When it comes to fatherhood, for some reason it is not as celebrated around the world as it should be. There are tonnes of Mothers’ Day events, be it from a religious point of view or from the world’s view, yet the fathers who earnestly contributed to our being here in the first place are not as celebrated.
Now, here’s the thing; I truly understand that a woman (to some) may be doing all the work simply because she carried you for nine months, endured drastic changes to her body, mind and soul. I get that her pain for a day is worth more than a thousand raw gold bullions, but still what about the fathers? Why don’t we celebrate them as much? They endure a lot of hardships too, not just spiritually, financially or emotionally but in every single heartfelt and breaking way like the mother; the only difference is that they aren’t as vocal as women because they have been taught to “suck it up” or “man up” because speaking about your feelings makes you “weak” (this is such an annoying lie).
Fathers go through unspeakable pressures to be the best at all times, to be available for mother and child (or children).They have to provide, regardless of what the situation is. They have their own innate traumas, fears, worries about raising a child or children. Fathers worry, too, about the life and safety of the baby while in the mother’s womb. Fathers deal with the tantrums and needs of the mother (from not being allowed to wear deodorant or perfume to waking up at 3am to find a meal that tastes like fruity chicken but is not fruity chicken, or shuffling between sleeping in a room turned arctic region or the boiling Sahara depending on how mama feels, and so much more)
I know a lot of people will nitpick because it’s 2022 and all about feminism, women’s rights and choices due to the fact that back in the day women barely had anything to call their own, but let’s be realistic – fathers deserve all the love, awards, gifts, accolades and more, especially in today’s society. They are the silent heroes beyond the paycheck. They are the guardians of our clan, protectors of our hearts, providers during the famine. They are the support system that helps the mother to be celebrated in the first place. They are love, light and bear hugs all wrapped in one usually silent, praying man.
Yeah, I know that there are a lot of deadbeat dads who clearly do not deserve such high praise, but guess what: they are significantly lower in number than the good ones out there. I am talking about the present nine to five fathers, the grandfathers playing the role of father and grandfather, the uncles playing both roles, the step dads who stepped up when the failure of a man let his family down, the stepfathers who do their best to be friends with the fathers who separated peacefully from the wives, the brothers (older or younger) who took the reins to help in the growth of their siblings, nieces, nephews, other friends’ siblings, etc. I am talking about the real men who would go to war with the gods to protect you. The fathers who learn from you, the fathers who teach you, the fathers who admit their mistakes, the fathers who scream like high school girl cheerleaders or Kpop (Korean Pop) fans seeing Namjoon’s arm or V’s stomach (BTS Army; Bangtan Sonyeondan or Bulletproof Boy Scouts or Beyond the Scene. I am one of them (sigh) when their child or children accomplish something, the fathers who still buy you food and treats whether you are five or fifty. The fathers who converse with God daily for your protection and growth.
The fathers who make this world a safer place through hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and more.
The kings, the regents, the gossip partners, the diss partners, the scolders, the lovers. Those are the ones we should celebrate more.
Brands need to do more in celebrating fatherhood be it Fathers’ Day or any day, children need to do more – be it a visit, buying his favourite treat, lunch, a bottle of wine, a walk around the neighbourhood, flowers (yes, fathers love flowers), a nightly phone or video call to remind them how much we love, adore and are grateful to them.
As a young child who lost my birth mother early (I have another amazing amazon beauty of a mother now), my father stepped up in more ways than one. He became and still is an unrelenting beacon of hope, peace, love and light who raised my siblings and I to stand up for ourselves, treat people with the utmost respect, be they kings or paupers. He taught us the value of money, the importance of education, the need for spirituality, the gaping truths about growing into a young woman (trust me, it was awkward but worth it) or man.
He spent endless prayerful nights on our behalf, worked tirelessly even when all he wanted to do was lie down. He dutifully mopped our heads of sweat and eyes of tears when we fell ill, even keeping vigil by our hospital beds. He exceeded and continues to exceed his role as a father, a mother, a mentor, a friend, a protector, a provider and an advisor. My father is my king on earth and words can never be enough to say how grateful I am that he is mine and ours.
Now I get to watch my baby brother be the father my father was and is with his little one, and I must say: both of them are fantastic men of honour, valour and high praise.
So, cheers to the fathers who would cross freezing shark-infested waters for us, because we forever hold a place in their heart. Fathers beyond paychecks…always and forever celebrated.
