“In three words I can sum up everything I have learned in life. It goes on.” Robert Frost
It was a routine chat message to Kike* (real name withheld) when she responded to the generic how are you with “I am not fine!!” “What happened?” I asked alarmingly. She did not respond to the message or pick up my subsequent phone call. I did not panic even though I was slightly worried because Kike is a strong girl. I would check on her in the morning. She will be fine.
The next day I checked on her. She was fine, she had, had a moment of just having it up to her eyeballs with bills. A squeezing economy, the hustle that isn’t hustling, restlessness and just a sense of there must be more than this.
I understood her totally. After a while, life becomes a humming grind. Wake up, follow a ritual, shower, got to work, go through the motions, back home , routine and then bedtime. Ok, maybe with slight variations from day to day. You start to wonder if this drone that is your life will get exciting or different anymore.
In recent times, most of us must have had calls and panic situation like this where someone is down and not feeling it. These days the calls are getting more as there is more despair in the air and the love of men has waxed cold. I thought to put a list of tips to help through these feelings which are bound to come up from time to time. How do you get out of a funk so that it does not end of taking you down the rabbit hole of depression?
I had said Kike is a strong woman. The strong people particularly have it tough because people assume they can handle everything that is thrown their way. They are the ones to subtly check-in on more and read between the lines and extend a helping hand (which they will most likely rebuff). Do not be discouraged; just do it.
While we keep saying happiness depend on you and you choose to be happy or not and decide what attitude to adopt whether positive or negative, it can be a challenge to be happy in the face of harsh circumstances and so I put together a list that I think might help.
1. Get off the phone!!
‘Physician heal thyself;’ I know but it does not stop me sharing this fact. Before the advent of the phone, the quarrel was with TV. Not that that quarrel has ended especially now with the demand for more series, more content to watch and the need for escapism. Social media has now become the bane of our generations. Information overload, content creation pressure, make believe, illusions. With the advent of AI ‘our own is set to be finished.’ We need to take back control of lives, our eyes, backs, fingers and minds!!! The pressure on our minds telling us that what we see on social media must be our lives and what we must aspire to be. How to do this? It will seem difficult at first but it is all in the mind.
If you are still unconvinced or think you don’t need to keep this habit in check watch ‘Social Dilemma’ on Netflix. Thank me later.
2. Exercise:
Move your body. Stretch If you still have knees, always use the steps where you see them-each time. Walking for fifteen to thirty minutes at least three times a week not only does wonders for the body but for the mind and let us not forget, endorphins release, the happy hormone that helps to elevate your mood and put your body in a state of relaxation. This tip goes hand in hand with eating healthy. I think the baffling thing for me about eating healthy is how much more expensive it is than processed and fast foods. I would encourage the planting of simple crops in pots or a patch farm. This interaction with nature can also do wonders for you. As simple as this sounds, it takes discipline to wake up every day or every other day and create a routine for yourself, which brings me to the next tip.
3. Be intentional about yourself:
For so long we have been taught to be outward facing in dealing with life issues and people. It is generally selfish to think about oneself, we often hear. To do something special for oneself but gradually we are seeing that ‘you cannot give what you do not have.’ People and their needs and problems will always be there and for you to even extend a helping hand, you too would need to be in a good place. Now some of us have taken this self-love to a whole different level and tipped the balance to the selfish side. When I say be intentional about yourself, show yourself self-love, relieve yourself of pressure-take one day at a time. Resist the urge to be an unsung hero, even a sung one because it could be premature. You must learn and remember to pick yourself up EVERY DAY. Nobody is going to it for you. Sure, people can offer words of advice and encouragement but the work in the long run must be done by you. You must speak to yourself and when you Bottomline, to extend the quality of life no do pass ya sef.
4. Weed your circle of friends and have an accountability partner:
Quite frankly, this you need to do weekly. Ok, fine maybe not weekly but you understand the seriousness if I say evaluate that often. The reason being that your circle is good as you are going to get and theres no point watering weed in your life that will snuff out the life in you. What you need is a circle that you can lean on when you feel down in the dumps who are empathic and will listen to you to lend a helping or supportive hand and not take your matter and shout it from the rooftop in a desperate need for content! You also need to check in with yourself that you are a good friend also. An accountability partner is just that and indirectly checks up on you, so that helps to keep you in balance when you are off kilter.
5. Practice the art of gratitude AKA Count(ing )your blessings.
A hymn says it the best:
When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,(when things are hard and life seems unbearable)
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.*
All four stanzas of the hymn talk to situations and circumstances in our lives that call for us to count our blessings. When I feel overwhelmed and over my head i practice this and it works. In those moment, I actually feel ashamed and suddenly even though the problem is still there it seems more bearable. My head at that point becomes clearer in dealing with the issue. Sometimes you will not be up to it but if you practice it and it becomes a part of your life, it eases the burden.
“Count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.” *
