That’s right; relationships are hard work. Human beings are hard and that is what makes relationships hard. Relationships are the structure within which human beings express their need and capability to relate. Human beings within the structure determine what the interaction will end up being. Most times when we hear the word relationships, our minds almost immediately go to man-woman interactions. Relationships take many forms and, as long as we are human, we all will belong to each relationship type at some point of our lives.
The problem is that we are flawed as human beings and bring our flaws with us into our relationships; not that we have a choice. While that is true, we do have a choice as to how we interact to get the best experience from such interactions.
Yesterday I was livid with two of my friends. One who I will refer to as Culprit One did not invite me to a family function which I felt I had a right to be notified about given the fact that we had stuck together for 24 years! And Culprit Two attended the function and did not think it fit to find out why I was not at the function. I had found out about the function on social media and immediately called Culprit Two to ask her if she had seen the notification and what the next steps would be. Alas, she was at the event! Because I cared, I told both how I felt. Unfortunately for me, both are older, so I could not tell them where to get off! Argh! In that moment of saying how I felt, and each taking her time to explain and apologise for the oversight and nonchalance, I knew that we were still friends. I had to give them grace. And truth be told: I would not have attended the function – too early in the morning and the oven-weather would not have helped. I also quite frankly wanted to throw a tantrum and be cajoled, bribed, and said sorry to (wide grin).
The point is even after 24 years we still get on each other’s last nerve but the foundation we have built can withstand the storms (and tantrums) when they come. The foundation of any relationship is important no matter the relationship types as seen below.
Self
We don’t consider ourselves when speaking about relationships, and this is the most important because we must deal and live with ourselves. What we accept of ourselves is what we put out and attract people into our lives. If you loathe yourself, you will put out this self-loathing and attract similar energies and repel the good ones. Always remember that you cannot blame anyone, no matter how badly you are treated, because you stand alone to give account of yourself. So, you must wake up each day and be brave for yourself so that you can thrive.
Family
You are born into a group of strangers, bound by blood, and so apart from yourself, this is the other relationship you do not have a choice – up to an extent. Generally, the notion is that family is family and family sticks together. However, we have some family members from hell who thrive on nothing else than being a thorn in the flesh. Unfortunately, because it is family it becomes a catch-22 situation. Know when to deploy tough love, if not we end up being their enablers.
Friends
The stranger we meet on the streets of life, and we decide for some inexplicable reason, “I like this one.” Friendships are your most important relationships because they are the foundation of all relationships. Even in the family, at a point the interaction is one of friendship.
Man-Woman matter
This is the bane of the world. Everyone is looking for their missing Adam or rib. The dynamics between a man and a woman ranks as one of the top topics in the world. And despite the conversations, books, talk shows, therapists, counsellors, the end is still nowhere in sight. In fact, the mantra is that marriage is hard and there have been a significant number of people opting to remain single. If you get this right, this is the person you will be with till you die. That is why marrying the right person for you is crucial.
Children
If you have been blessed with children/a child, I do not need to tell you how hard this is. It is bringing them up, teaching them values, taking care of their needs, and protecting them while at the same time building a relationship with them so that you are not caught unawares.
