Celebrate endings – for they precede new beginnings.
— Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Here we go again, diving into the new year with un-kept self-promises made yet to be accomplished, with childlike hopes that the new year is another chance to start again, better at what we could not do before, make new memories, hopefully fall in love with our wild imaginations, travel more, save money more and simply be recognised for all the sweat, blood tears and limitless back breaking labour. Well, how about we do not do those things this year. How about we wave off the undue internal and external pressures that broke us so much we thought we would never make it to 2024! Yet here we are, attempting another record of being what other people want, or expect, instead of simply taking a step back to figure out what we want for ourselves, why those things matter and how we can positively build on them… just for us and no one else? Here’s what I always tell people (although I really should start taking my own advice…): ‘You cannot pour from an empty cup.’ How are you expected to take care of others when you clearly have not taken care of yourself? Crazy, right? So why think or act like that (let’s be honest, sometimes madness is needed for clarity). It is important to create a “New Year, Better You” narrative that is essentially a favourite, but unfortunately this often comes with its own set of eye-rolls and sighs (plus, Oh Lord, not this again). Being positive in our thinking is so important as part of our growth as people, so let us do something different for a change; as we cautiously step into 2024, this should be the perfect time to adopt a refreshingly realistic point of view on self-improvement, wellness as well as healing. This must go beyond clichés and un-kept, yet repetitive superficial promises.
As someone who loves a good dip and dive into cold realities, for those new to reading this article, or any article I have written, I welcome you to the most blissful yet insightful cold depths of seeing things from a different perspective.
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” — Oprah Winfrey
Depression is real – don’t avoid it, heal through it!
“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.” — Brad Paisley
Firstly, accepting that depression is real and not a trend to abuse is a crucial step in personal growth. Many people unfortunately do not seek help in understanding why through the bliss and the growth there is a deep seated unresolved problem that can be overwhelming to the point of actual physical pain, listlessness and weariness. One of the core factors I believe can be overbearing as a side kick to depression is the imposter syndrome. Either you can’t believe all these good things are happening to you and there must be some sort of cosmic joke being played on you before doom strikes, or you are too drained to be even positive at all with or without things aligning in your favour. I need you to breathe and snap out of it (easier said than done, but try nonetheless). Snap out of it! You are worthy of all the good things that fall in your lap; you are worth the effort, you are important in people’s lives so much so that the world would be a sad place without you in it. The bad things happening will definitely not last forever. It may feel like it but it will not last. It’s high time to bid farewell to the notion that mental health struggles are a topic of fleeting fascination or something to pass over or use for attention. Your mind is such a beautiful place but how would you know if you do not take care of it? This year, make a conscious effort to protect your mental health; depression already kicked your butt last year, why should you allow it to win again. Do what you need to do safely in ensuring you win; go to therapy, and if you are given medication ensure you take them; stay away from triggers that force you to break even if it’s for a few minutes (please, finding your triggers are important; jotting them down helps, so start doing that). 2024 is the year to make a collective effort to genuinely support those battling with depression and prioritise mental well-being. It exists and should not be taken lightly.
No More Tolerance
“Write in your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
A lot of us, especially me, are very guilty of being ridiculously tolerant of people and the trend of behaving badly like it’s a fashion statement to sling around. For your own good, you must become less tolerant of bad behaviour and unapologetically enforcing boundaries because, in the grand scheme of things, they would never let you cross theirs, so why should you allow them to cross yours. Gone are the days of smiling while you die on the inside. If you do not like something, speak up, be firm, lay the ground lines that must never be crossed, and if the person or people decide to cross you, then my darlings, cut them off! Sounds like a grand plan, doesn’t it? Oh, but what about family, I can’t just cut them off? Well, here’s the thing; you can absolutely cut them off. Respect is not a one-way thing. It must go both ways, so if they are happy to break you each time, why shouldn’t you distance yourself from them? Last time I checked, nobody willingly sits in a vat of toxic waste (well, except if you’re the joker and that was initially an unfortunate accident anyway, or if you are crazy enough like Harlequin, then be my guest). No more condoning toxic friendships, relationships, even situationships, or excusing disrespectful conduct. You know how you want to be treated and if they cannot treat you right, then they should not have the privilege to be around you! It’s time to lay down the law and demand the respect and consideration we all deserve.
Like I mentioned earlier, in this glorious self-improving year of 2024, it is perfectly okay, even necessary, to boldly cut off people who refuse to bring you peace. Your life, not just life in general, is far too short as well as beautiful to spend it surrounded by those who constantly sow and harvest then force-feed you discord and chaos. You must learn to embrace the self-growing act of liberating your life by curating your social circle and choosing peace over unnecessary drama.
The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are. — J.P. Morgan
While we are on the positive journey of striving to be better this 2024 without ending up in jail or an asylum, here are ten tips I believe would help a lot of us this year (yes me included). Do note that I don’t claim to know it all; however, I have been privileged to be around people who have taught me the value of self-improvement, self-love and learning to take the good while learning from the bad. Below are a few tips to help you do better for yourself.
1. Set clear boundaries
Understand and communicate your limits. Boundaries are vital for maintaining your mental well-being; don’t shy away from setting and asserting them whether it’s at work, in your relationships, or within your social circles.
2. Practice self-care
Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. This could include regular exercise, setting aside time for hobbies, or simply taking a break when you need it. Self-care isn’t selfish – it’s self-preservation.
3. Cultivate meaningful relationships
You must surround yourself with people who lift you up, inspire you, and respect your individual journey. Mutual respect and support are underestimated cornerstones of relationships.
4. Embrace alone time
You must learn to enjoy your own company. Carve out space for solitude and introspection. Through these self-isolated moments that you can truly understand yourself and your needs.
5. Prioritize communication
Honest and respectful communication is key. Express your thoughts and feelings openly, and make an effort to truly listen to others. Understanding and empathy go a long way in fostering harmonious relationships.
6. Confront toxicity
Identify and address toxic dynamics in your life. From toxic friendship, a stressful work environment, or a draining social circle, don’t hesitate to distance yourself from negative influences.
7. Practice empathy
Seek to understand perspectives different from your own. Empathy fosters understanding and compassion, creating a more harmonious environment for everyone (to those who get lost in being emphatic that it causes them harm, best you start learning to micro-dose it.) .
8. De-stress regularly
Find healthy outlets for stress relief. Outlets such as meditation, yoga, or simply relaxing with a good book (in my case, a good crime documentary, anime or historical Asian drama does wonders to my mood, especially when it’s done in complete isolation). Dedicate time to decompress and unwind from life’s demands.
9. Embrace change
Understand that growth and change go hand in hand. Embrace the process of personal evolution (as scary as it can be, I promise the end game is peace and bliss) while respecting the individual paths of those around you.
10. Seek professional help when necessary
If you’re struggling with mental health challenges, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.
By prioritizing respect and empathy (in micro-doses please, save some for yourself) while nurturing your own well-being, we must try to pave the way to a more fulfilling and richly layered year ahead.
New Year – a new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours. — Alex Morritt
In addition, finding a place of solace, both online and offline, is important. Whether it’s a cozy nook in your favourite coffee shop or a virtual community that aligns with your interests, prioritise carving out spaces (physical and non-physical) where you feel understood and supported. And let’s add a pinch of radical honesty to the pot – being truthful to ourselves about our needs and wants is the cornerstone of a fulfilling existence. Let’s bid farewell to the outdated notion of self-denial and embrace the radical act of acknowledging and fulfilling our own desires.
So, as we journey along the new year, let’s not aim for some airbrushed, unattainable version of perfection (that’s dead and buried in 2023). Instead, let’s strive for a version of ourselves that is authentic, kind, and unapologetically real. It’s high time we set aside unrealistic resolutions and opt for a new kind of self-improvement that’s grounded in genuine introspection and growth. Cheers to a year of unapologetic self-love and nuanced personal evolution! Cheers to a 2024 filled with balanced growth and interconnected respect! Living in our truth for a better us! Till next time, bye!
