“Be the ultimate solider: unite your mind and your body.”– Ant Middleton
Mental fitness is the title of a book written by a television personality, former UK Special Forces soldier, Royal Marines Commando, and Royal Engineer in the British Army. He is best known as the former Chief Instructor on the Channel 4 television series SAS: Who Dares Wins. I read his first book; First man in: Leading from the front. The book caught my attention because this was a manly-man writing and I wanted to read what leading meant to him especially as a soldier. I loved how relatable and down to earth his story was. So when I saw his next book, I knew it would be as relatable and because of how relatable it is especially because of the uncertain and tough times we live in, I decided to share parts of the book that resonated with me and could be of help to anyone who needs the help or just bothers to read.
For such a burly man, I found his name, “Ant” funny. Just saying anyway, I admired his courage as he came clean about how much of a mess he was and how he got into trouble even while serving and even got divorced. While he was with this second wife and was on the brink of a breakdown, he realised he had to haul himself and do right by himself first then his wife and their kids.
That is the overarching lesson in mental fitness. If you want to succeed in your life and life, you must be self-aware. You must know when to take accountability for your life. You must have the courage to take a stand for your life. You must own up when you have done wrong, gone wrong and stem the tide right there and bravely chart a new course for your life. It might sound like a broken record but one that we must listen to for it to permeate our souls- NO ONE ABSOLUTEY NO ONE BUT YOU are going to account for your life. Not your parents, spouse, partner, child/children, religious instructor, gym buddy, BFF till infinity x 2, not the one who finishes your sentences or even your identical twin (and that’s even you!)
Now that we have situated your life firmly and squarely in your hands, let us start the lessons.
This is one of the most valuable lessons in mental fitness because in general the world thrives on bullying people into submission to what the general herd has aligned to. Inner confidence is about self-love, acceptance and the knowledge that you can do. Without confidence (belief in yourself), no one will believe you and you will be like a ship tossed about on the waves -simply put rudderless. Confidence is what you know, not about the opinion of others. While some have the good fortune of ‘being born’ with it, so must be helped to work at it or work at it by recognising the need. Confidence is not the same thing as arrogance. Confidence is self-assuredness without explaining.
Ant says: Anyone can be confident; you just have to be willing to work for it.
My best lesson. There is no version of you but you, why do you want to be you are not or who you are not? Instead of channeling that energy and strength to be someone else, you can have used it to cement in the minds of people who and what you look like even if it is not to their taste. You will find those who appreciate you, ‘get you,’ your tribe, even if it is one soul. Most times, one person who sees us is all we need. Be yourself. Even if you are a horror story. Then we can make an informed decision as to whether we fit in your world! But seriously, it is much easier and satisfying to be yourself. What you need is to improve on parts of yourself that need work, and we all know the parts of us that are not pretty.
Ant says: Live the way you want. Do not change the way you behave or think to fit someone else’s agenda. (Note: To survive in a politically charged world as you climb the ladder however, there is an exception to this rule which is Rule 38 of 48: “Think as you like but behave as others.” When you get to the summit, you can raise the middle finger. *grin*)
Whichever way you cut it, we have a moral code-fundamentally of what is right or wrong. Arguments have been made that there are differences in our moral code but what we have sometimes are cultural practices that are alien to us, and we use the moral code to decide if it is right or wrong.
Be a decent human being. Eat right (cut out sugar!! *crying*). Develop good habits. Have discipline and structure for your life. Work with not against life. Exercise your body and mind. Serve people (with boundaries). Sleep. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN. Know your body, listen to it and act once it is out of sync.
Ant says: How to build a healthy, balanced lifestyle can become the foundation of building a better you.
Growing up, it was about being first in class. Competition. Not coming second. Rising to the occasion of being at the top. There was a grade system. You either excelled, were mediocre or failed. These days, nobody fails, everybody is a star even with the most dismal of performances. There are no grading system activities anymore. Bullocks and a huge disservice. Thank goodness that has not changed in the sporting world. While competition has its cons, the pros outweigh the cons.
How do you know that you need to improve or can do better if there is never a challenge? Failure should be an opportunity for reflection, teaching, strategy, and growth for your journey not an avenue for a pity-party with no finger foods and drinks while developing a dark, sick heart because of the Green-eyed monster! Get up and do it again till you win and leave Lisa’s win alone!
Ant says turn setbacks into opportunities and make failure the engine of your success. Never pass the buck(blame) or point the finger.
Another favourite of mine. Lying was one of the easiest things to do growing up. As an adult, we used/use it as a crutch or coping mechanism to deal with colleagues, friends, acquaintances, and the world in general. We got so comfortable that we tell what we term as “white lies” to get out of sticky situations. The problem is that the more we do that the weaker we become really. Why? Because the lie lets you off ‘easy,” at least for the time being. Lying robs you of the ability to steel your mind and deal with the consequences with a certain situation and live free thereafter. You do not want to lie? Then tell the truth, be the truth. Do not put yourself in a situation where you might need to lie. Lies are for cowards, truth is for the brave.
As you grow older, a relationship with God, you should have become liberated enough to do and be who you want to be. Tell the truth in love sha.
Ant says honesty is always, always the best policy and has always been.
Matthew 6:25-34 of the Bible sums this up brilliantly. Emphasis on verses 27 and 34.
25 “Therefore, I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Ant cannot say more than God biko.
7. Have strong connections (with people).
I had to clarify the people part because we are living in a largely transactional, commercial and vain world where we have traded our human relations with toys, gadgets, things and accomplishments. Our base nature is to have relationships with human beings for a range of reasons that tide us over in life. If you cannot form healthy, strong relationships then you have a hard life ahead of you. The ability to form and sustain healthy relationship is one that goes to mental fitness. You have to navigate, and energies never lie. If it isn’t work (for you), it isn’t working, please leave. Find the ones that work
for you. Life is too short for mediocrity and half-arsed, bare minimum investment in you. Cut those ties. You are a unicorn *hahahaha*
Ant says common ground is the bridge that aids people make meaningful connections. Engage on what you have found to be of interest and work from that.
This has been my Archilles heel. I wear my emotions especially my anger, displeasure and what have you on my sleeve. The day I will master this, it is all over for all of you! We can never be 100% but as Carl Jung said, “ A man likes to believe that he is the master of his soul. But as long as he is unable to control his moods and emotions, he is certainly not his own master.” (shortened)
It is of utmost importance to learn how to control your emotions, for the one who is able to has no one controlling them.
Ant says acknowledge your emotions, understand them and make them work for you. Your emotional make-up is unique to you, expose them before they expose you but do not let them run riot like a petulant child (physician heal thyself!)
No matter what you do with all the yeses in the world to everyone, people will still dislike you, malign you and throw you under the bus. There is a place for NO. you do not have to acquiesce to every request, that is not setting healthy boundaries. Stand up to bullies. Nobody respects a person that allows others trampling over them in a bid to appear reconciliatory or “good.” There is a time for peace and a time for war. Know your timings.
Confrontation does not need to be aggressive (know your opponent). You are responsible for what and how you say something. Unfortunately, the joy is taken away when you have to be constructive in speech to reach a resolution. Oh well…
Always do what you can to deescalate a situation and once they’ve worn out your patience, leave. If not throw the bomb. I said what I said.
Ant though says/asks how much are you willing to take?
10. Hard times do not last, hard men do and you can break through the pain barrier.
Bad things will happen and will continue popping up in your life as long as you breath, make peace with that and half the battle is won. When those times come, feel sorry for yourself but the quicker you stand up and get back in the saddle, the better for your recovery. Fight for yourself. USE YOUR MIND. It is free of charge and it is there to help you bring yourself and body to subjection. If you say you can and mentally steel yourself to believe it, then you can. In the same vein if you say you cannot then you will not. Simple.
IN CLOSING, YOUR LIFE WILL BE THE BETTER IF YOU MIND YOUR BUSINESS AND CONCENTRATE ON WORKING WITH WHAT MAKES YOU THRIVE AND FUNCTION.
Have a good week being mentally fit.
