“Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-tellers, and singers of song.” —Pam Brown
As we approach Father’s Day (for those who do not know, it’s June 18), we as people must take a much-needed moment to reflect on the incredible role that our fathers (the good and available ones) play in our society. For years, fathers have had the tremendous responsibility in raising as well as providing for their children, and more often than not, unfortunately, this role goes unnoticed or underappreciated.
We must understand that fathers wear many hats, a lot more than the sperm donor and ATM roles attached to them; like providing emotional support, financial stability, acting as mentors and role models for their kids. Let’s make it clear, a father is a man who steps up to the role and responsibility of raising a child throughout its formation years, and this is not, and should never, be limited to birth fathers alone. Fathers also face the uncanny yet unique challenge of balancing their career with family life, overcoming societal pressures to conform to and follow (not just for themselves but their children as well) stereotypical gender roles, and facing discrimination and prejudice in many situations.
As unfortunate and a bit harsh as this reality check is, it’s no secret that the world is not always kind to fathers. Society has consistently portrayed them as minor caregivers, individuals who are seen or regarded as less involved in their children’s lives compared to mothers (in some cases, this is valid, yet it is so unfair to generalise them all as one and the same). This representation not only excludes fathers from creating deeper connections with their children but also perpetuates gender stereotypes that hinder society’s growth. Did I say it was unfair? I will say it again, it’s extremely unfair.
MYTHS
“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person; he believed in me.” — Jim Valvano
There are many myths about what it means to be a father, and it’s important to properly educate people about the right attributes of fatherhood. These myths must be removed from the mentality of people in order for certain progress and connections to be formed. This in turn will assist in encouraging healthy and positive relationships with children. Here are some of the most common myths about being a father:
1. Fatherhood is all about providing financially.
2. Fathers aren’t as important in raising children: this is a ridiculous myth because fathers constantly (let me say this again, this refers to the good and available ones; all others collect their attributes elsewhere) play an essential role in their children’s development, just as mothers do. A father contributes to emotional support, cognitive development, and socialisation yielding better outcomes in health, academic, and social spheres.
3. Fathers are dispensable after a divorce or separation: I find this very sad because divorce doesn’t mean total separation from family. Separation or divorce is known to negatively impact family dynamics (luckily not all the time), but fathers need to remain to share parenting responsibilities, maintain a caring relationship with their children so that their legacy continues and the relationship grows.
4. Fathers aren’t sensitive or nurturing: From firsthand experience, personally and indirectly, this is such a myth, even where myths are concerned. Men in general, be they step or birth fathers, are very capable of nurturing and displaying sensitivity towards their children, contradicting the unreasonable myth that fathers are all about discipline and tough love. As a child of a very involved father, I can assure you that I benefited (still benefiting by the way) positively from the emotional presence of my father and the unique parenting approach he gave me with my mother.
5. Fathers can’t handle the “mom” things: whoever came up with this myth needs to find me and have a conversation as to who hurt you? As a girl child, do you know how amazing it was to be raised by a man who taught me how to wear a bra, use sanitary towels, sit like a girl, dress like one and so much more? My father diligently and profoundly handled the mom things like a pro, debunking this myth like a champion (like so many fathers have done and are still doing with their full chest). A great father is capable of doing everything a mother can do, from changing diapers to scheduling doctor’s appointments, to raising girls all the “mom” ways. They might not tackle things like mothers do, because even the other way round it’s the same, but credit must be given that they certainly can thrive in roles traditionally viewed as “mom-specific.”
As the world evolves and grows, it has become very imperative to focus on the positive attributes of fatherhood, demystifying the myths-breeding negative stereotypes, and embracing a dad’s unique qualities in nurturing and raising their children.
This is why Father’s Day must be recognised and celebrated (as a national holiday, with no work and all) and more. By celebrating our superhero fathers, we can show them all the love, appreciation and support for all their relentlessly tireless efforts, while freeing all fathers from a lot of the unfounded cultural stereotypes that restrict their full potential.
BENEFITS OF BEING A DAD
“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it.” ― Clarence Budington Kelland
Apart from a father being the obvious bank ATM/rainmaker in the family, there are other many beautiful benefits that come with the title and role that the world needs to celebrate and discuss more. These are, but not limited to:
i. Experience the joy of parenthood: Being a father provides you with the opportunity to experience the joys of parenthood. From holding your newborn in your arms to hearing them say their first words, being a father is a truly special experience. Plus, do you know how sweet it is that no matter how much your wife tries to get your baby to say ‘Mama’ as their first word, they always – well, at least 90 per cent of the time – say ‘Dada’ or ‘Papa’! It’s a warm, sensational sweetness you can’t put into words.
ii. Deeper sense of responsibility: As a father, you are constantly responsible for the well-being and upbringing of your child. As scary as this can be sometimes, it also gives you a sense of purpose and accountability that can lead to personal growth and development.
iii. Learn valuable life skills
iv. Build a strong bond with your child
v. Learn to prioritise what truly matters: Parenthood tends to shift priorities, where you learn to focus on what truly matters in life.
vi. Develop empathy and emotional intelligence: Raising a child or children must involve understanding as well as being patient with their emotions and needs. Being a father provides you with the opportunity to develop your emotional intelligence and empathy towards others.
vii. Leave a lasting legacy: whether they are the loving or tough lessons you impart or the memories you create, your impact as a father can resonate throughout your children’s lives and beyond.
Father’s Day is the perfect opportunity to express gratitude for the many sacrifices and contributions your father has made in your life. Let us be more thankful for all the sleepless nights, broken bones, tired eyes, tantrum tolerance, empty wallets, body aches and the likes that these unsung heroes endure with a smile on their faces, as we positively reflect on this, we should continue to not only support and uplift these men of great honour who have ceaselessly dedicated their lives to showing up as fathers, protectors, providers and promoters of healthy and stable family dynamics. Happy Father’s Day to all fathers out there… especially mine, my very first and always love!
