Anyone can be a biological parent, but to be a step-parent takes sheer grit, determination, and endless love.
There is a certain kind of blessing that comes with having a step parent who is not afraid to step up on your behalf: the one who did not birth you but will fight an army of dragons for you, be the umbrella to weather any storm, pray for you, provide for you and slowly close the grieving void that filled your heart either from the loss of a parent or just the need to connect. I am one of those people who God has blessed to dispel the ugly and horrible step mother stories that have plagued and still plague many till today. Here’s the thing I need you to understand – well two things. First, writing topics that have some sort of personal story about my life and experiences is to help you understand that you are not alone with whatever you may be facing. Yes our stories my feel unique to us, but they are inevitably similar, just varied based on person, time, nature, nurture, etc. The second thing is that in this beautiful journey we call life, a lot of children are often guided by not just their biological parents, but also amazing step parents who play and continue to play a crucial role in shaping and reshaping their upbringing. Yes, undoubtedly, there are and will be certain challenges and complexities that come with the role. Good step parents are the unsung heroes in any child’s life, providing love, support, and guidance that often go unacknowledged.
As always, I say welcome to the new readers, welcome to our favourite cold dip session that helps you see things from a different perspective, because learning and understanding is important! To the old readers, I know our swimsuits are ready with our teeth bared to frighten the cold, yet be more enlightened than we were five minutes ago. OK, let’s do it.
My sibling and I lost our birth mum at a very early age where guidance and protection were paramount, especially from a mother. We were very blessed to have a father who stepped up his game, made sacrifices for us and made sure we got the best of everything (within reason, of course) that any child could dream of. Seven years or so later, God smiled upon us and we were gifted an amazing woman who took on the tough task of raising three very independent-minded children that were not hers, yet she stepped up in more ways than one could count. Her silent smile, stern yet warm discipline and consistent provision of delicacies one would only dream of in movies or cartoons…she came to us like a soft tidal wave, washing away the grief that ate at us from losing our mother so young. Like most women, she met challenges I don’t think anyone ever truly prepares a step parent for, and I am not talking about internal; external can be equally brutal – from disapproving (God knows why) relatives of my birth mother, to strangers who were simply busybodies with nothing better to focus on in their lives.
Yet time and time again, despite the silent hardships she endured, she left us in awe of the overwhelming love and security she carried in her heart. Not once did she complain or raise her voice, or try to fight over it (even though I would have gladly joined her to hand people the just desserts), yet she was always calm, cool and very collected. In a silent way, my sibling and I melted into her love and ever embracing presence. Cutting off anyone who dared to say a bad word about her (those who know me know I bite first, ask questions later when protecting the ones I love). Later, a silent understanding was established. She wasn’t a step mother, she was simply a mother. Hence till today when people say ‘oh what about your step mother’, I always calmly bite back with gritted teeth and respond, ‘You mean my mother, right?’ Not only did she bless us with her presence, she gave us two very intelligent, loving younger sisters who keep us on our toes intellectually and otherwise. Many who have bad experiences with having a step parent would argue that there are no concrete benefits to having one, but as always I am a living proof that there are unsung heroes doing the Lord’s work of caring for others seamlessly and in peace.
“During the dark times, you were a beacon of light guiding my way”.
The thing you must comprehend is that the benefits of having a good step parent in a child’s life are immeasurable. Step parents have the uncanny skill of providing stability and a much needed sense of security, especially by offering a nurturing environment that the child may not have otherwise experienced or lost along the way. Good step parents also serve as role models, teaching valuable life lessons from a unique perspective while demonstrating resilience in the face of adversity. Let’s be honest; being a stepparent is not without its difficulties. While subtly navigating the complexities of blended families, managing relationships with both biological parents (or one or the relatives), and all the while earning the trust of the child (or children) can be incredibly challenging. Good step parents often face scrutiny (sometimes it is so unnecessary) and judgement from others, yet they persevere against all odds, driven by their heavenly love and commitment to the well-being of the child. Amidst the difficulties, the beauty of the step parent-child relationship shines through (bear in mind a lot of convincing happened along the way). It is an unearthly bond built on grown and carefully catered love, trust, and understanding, that in its most precious way transcends the boundaries of biology. Good step parents willingly take on the responsibility of caring for a child that is not biologically their own, embracing the journey with an open heart and a determination to make a positive impact on the child’s life.
“I might not resemble you on the outside, but on the inside, we have identical hearts”.
We as people must learn to intentionally learn to celebrate good step parents for their remarkable contributions. Here are a few reasons I believe would help you understand why these unsung heroes must be sung about:
1. They provide unwavering love and support to a child who may feel uncertain or insecure about their place in a blended family.
2. They willingly take on the role of mentor and guide, offering wisdom and guidance to the child as they navigate the complexities of life.
3. They demonstrate resilience and commitment, showing the child the value of perseverance and strength in the face of adversity.
4. They foster a sense of belonging and stability, creating a nurturing environment that the child can thrive in.
5. They navigate complex family dynamics with grace and patience, prioritising the well-being of the child above all else.
6. They embrace the challenges of blending two families, working tirelessly to create a sense of unity and harmony.
“I was never your stepchild, simply “your child.”
Good step parents often make significant sacrifices in their commitment to caring for and nurturing their stepchildren.
Here are five top sacrifices made by good step parents that haven’t been acknowledged over the years.
1. Personal Time and Freedom: This can include giving up leisure activities, hobbies, and even career opportunities in order to prioritise the needs of the child.
2. Emotional Strain: They often sacrifice their own emotional well-being to provide stability and support for the child, even in the face of challenges and resistance.
3. Financial Support: Good step parents may make financial sacrifices to provide for their stepchildren, often allocating resources and budgeting to ensure the child’s needs are met, even at the expense of their own financial comfort.
4. Personal Ambitions and Goals: This can include delaying personal and career aspirations to dedicate time and energy to the well-being of the child.
5. Relationship Dynamics: Step parents may sacrifice their own comfort and preferences in managing relationships with their partner and the child’s biological parent.
Conclusion
“A stepparent has more room in their hearts than any other human being in the world’’.
These sacrifices underscore the selflessness and unwavering dedication that good step parents demonstrate in their role, emphasising their commitment to the continued well-being and happiness of their stepchildren. As we reflect on the impact of good step parents, let us take a moment to celebrate and honour these unsung heroes for the remarkable role they play in a child’s life. Their love, dedication, and selflessness deserve to be recognised and celebrated, as they truly embody the essence of what it means to be a parent. To every amazing step parent who has stepped up in every way possible, this is a heartfelt thank you for always fighting against all odds for babies you didn’t birth. You are not a step parent, you are a parent. So till next time my dear readers, bye.
